School Lunches

My mom packed my lunch about 75% of the time in Elementary school. And it was always some combination of Lunchables, a sandwich she'd cut into the shape of a star with a cookie cutter, Oreos, and a Caprisun. And it was awesome because it was very American and I enjoyed fitting in.

My dad packed my lunch the other 25% of the time. I laugh now because Persian food is my favorite food, but man at 7 years old, the last thing you want to do during lunch is open your lunchbox to some kabobs and rice.

Kids didn't get it! They asked questions. They asked why I was, "eating dinner for lunch?" and "why does it smell like that?"

Oh you mean like garlic and onions and dill and sumac and saffron?!?!

Yeah, maybe not a good idea to air that out after it's been sitting in my lunchbox in my backpack in my cubby for 5 hours.

Once he packed me torshi, which is the Persian equivalent to kimchee, which is basically pickled vegetables and smell like…well, pickled vegetables.

Or the time he just gave me a bowl of yogurt to dip with pita bread. WHAT?!?!

Again, TOTALLY fine to eat at home. Not okay to eat in the classroom when the kid next to you is eating two bags of Flaming Hot Cheetos for lunch.

I remember asking my mom to please pack my lunch always I don't like dad's lunches kids make fun of me. Fast-forward to a few years ago when I told Alex this story and he called me, "garlic chicken girl," and I burst into tears. So, you see, it had some sort of weird residual effect (or my hormones make me insane, Alex will probably argue the latter).

In my defense, when you look like this growing up you try really hard to not stand out anymore than your already do. 

It's so stupid now, who cares what I ate for lunch? It's my food, I wasn't forcing it down anyone else's throats. Also lunch in Elementary school is allotted what -- a seemingly 9 minutes? Everyone can CHILL THE FUHHH OUT WHILE I SECRETLY ENJOY MY EGGPLANT STEW AND LIMA BEANS then go outside for recess and run away from me because beans make me gassy.

Thank you dad for packing me lunches that made me embarrassed to stand out and desperate to fit in because I needed to learn to get over that crap. I'm proud of my culture and I bet I now have way better health than Cheeto boy. I'd eat your food ANY DAY. It's delicious! And nutritious! And..suspicious? (that last rhyme didn't work) and I would 100% trade a Berry Cooler Caprisun and a DIY Lunchables pizza for some kabobs and rice. The Oreos can stay.

Cats and Tigers and Grandma, oh my!

My mother is afraid of all animals. Maybe with the exception of flamingoes who she likes because they're pink, she is afraid of animals.

I remember (fondly) an instance when my dad had set a mousetrap in the attic, caught one, and brought it down. Upon showing my mother, she shrieked and ran away. Dad, thinking this was hilarious, chased her around the house with a dead mouse in his hand until 10 year old Sara had to intervene because mother had crawled under my baby sister's crib, crying and begging for mercy.

I never understood why my mother was such an animalphobe until I hung out with my grandma 12 years later. My cousin was talking about getting a cat for his apartment. He showed me the photo of the  kitten, and it was just the cutest. Soft gray with blue eyes! Looked a little something like this guy:

I mean!!!!!!! 

Then he showed my grandma the photo.

To which she SHRIEKED and responded with, "Ay Dios, un tigre! No que miedo!!" 

Which translates to………"OH GOD A TIGER! HOW SCARY NO!!"

I'm just going to leave this photo right here:

                                                                            tiger.                                                              

and now this one:

                                                                      kitten.

and again this one:

tiger.

and one more time this one:

TIGER??????????

Terrifying.